An Open Letter to the Duke & Duchess

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY (last week!) to Will & Kate.
To honor a year of wedded bliss, here’s a re-post of an entry I wrote immediately following the actual wedding:

[ps: I wish I had a chocolate biscuit cake right now. I’d eat the whole damn thing. Myself.]

Dear Your Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge,
the Earl and Countess of Strathearn,
the Baron and Baroness/Lady of Carrickfergus,
Mr. & Mrs. Wales, or, as I like to call you (in my dreams) Will and Kate;

Congratulations on your marriage.

I have watched your wedding ceremony 16 times. Not all 6 hours of coverage or anything crazy like that, but just the ceremony. I love it. It’s literally my new Pride & Prejudice. I could watch it every day. Actually, I could watch it multiple times a day. And I have.

That said, I just have a few observations of that incredible moment in time that I just have to ask you about or comment on:

1. Kate, Mrs. Wales, Duchess: How in the world did you DO that? First of all, you’re so pretty. Second of all, you weren’t shaking or crying. When those trumpets sound and “I Was Glad” begins, how did you not just crumple into a heap of “I can’t do this!”? Instead of crumpling (as I surely would have done,) you smiled a beautiful smile and held your dad’s hand and just floated down the aisle. Without crying. Or shaking. I think there are probably only 2 people on the planet who could have done that. And Lady Gaga doesn’t count.

2. The words of your ceremony were so beautiful. Everything that was said reminded me of why I got married in the first place. It also made me hate my own wedding’s guts. WHY didn’t we put more thought into our ceremony? Sure, it was decent and full of love…but then your wedding comes along. So, thank you for something so beautiful. But, I think I should warn you, you’ve ruined all weddings for the rest of time. Actually, you’ve ruined all weddings past, present and future. At least for me. Nice going.

3. The music. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I thought my husband’s best friend playing the piano at our wedding was special…but that guy was nothing compared to the Westminster Choir and the London Chamber Orchestra. Yes, we had a special arrangement of a radiohead song played. But you. YOU had one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard WRITTEN SPECIFICALLY for your wedding. It’s a fact: my wedding was a complete dog compared to yours.

4. Still, all this aside, we do share one thing: real, actual love. Sure sometimes my husband is a complete you-know-what in the you-know-what, but I love the guy to bits and pieces and can’t imagine a day of my life without him. And - from all appearances (and based on the words that were spoken during your ceremony) - you feel the same way about each other. And it’s for that reason that I think the following:

we should be friends. OR, you should at least come and visit us.

See, I noticed you’re going to be visiting Canada in July. How exciting! (You should have a bagel if you go to Montreal. Kate, I can’t wait to see all the fantastic clothes I’m sure you’ll wear while oot & aboot in Canada.)

And then! You’re coming to America! Duchess - it’s your first trip to the USA, right? And you’re heading to California! Wonderful.

As excited as I am for your trip to Canada and California, I have a suggestion (if I may):

You should add Portland, Oregon to your intinerary. I live in Portland, and it’s a lovely city. We have delicious foods, amazing trees and really weird people just about every where you look.

Moreover, I would be doing you no favors if I didn’t tell you that a trip to California isn’t exactly a true snapshot of real, actual American life. But Portland! Portland is (kind of) perfectly American and filled with far less Hollywood insanity. Additionally, there are very few people who live in Portland who are actually FROM Portland, so it’ll kind of be like visiting all of the US in one short stint! Did I mention we have delicious food?

Speaking of delicious food, I own a bakery in Portland. Because of my baking roots, I followed your wedding cake activity closely. I love that you two are serious enough about sweets that you had two cakes PLUS desserts on your big day. Impressive. And speaking of cake, I was most interested in the chocolate biscuit cake - so much so that I created one for my coworkers to eat the morning of your wedding. Here’s a photo of it:


That said, if you visit Portland and we somehow arrange to meet-up, I will literally bake you any American (or other) delight you want. I’ll even make you another chocolate biscuit cake - seeing as how you were probably so busy at your reception hob-nobbing and watching people curtsey to you that you didn’t have time for a single bite.

So, Mr. & Mrs. Wales, have a lovely trip to Canada.
Enjoy California.
Please come to Oregon.

Very sincerely,

Jami Curl

ps: Congratulations on the adoption of that baby penguin.

pps: Please tell Victoria Beckham that I love her.

ppps: Mrs. Wales, what does your sister think about having a Facebook page created in specific honor of her bottom?

pppps: Mrs. Wales, again, I have a blog and I write an awful lot about feeding my husband and young son. Not saying you do all the cooking, but you might find it useful. Maybe?

ppppps: You’re not going to believe this, but my husband and I spent our honeymoon in London. IT’S TRUE! We were there for a few weeks - just enough time for multiple visits to the V & A and for us to gain 10 lbs a piece eating chocolate covered digestive biscuits and ham sandwiches from Pret A Manger. Here are two of my favorite photos from our trip:

this one here might look familiar to you. It’s Westminster Abbey. That blurry thing in the corner is my husband’s nose. While traveling it’s tradition for us to take photos of his nose with every major landmark.


and this one is me. Standing in front of the Tower of London. I look grumpy because it had been exactly 7 minutes since my last chocolate covered digestive biscuit and I really wanted another one.